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Hiya lezzers!

I’ve had gotten marshmallows and gluten-free graham crackers, so…

WHO WANTS TO HEAR A SCARY STORY??

MWAH





HA HAHAHAHA!

Get the buddy. Everybody got your own pal? Great. Hold on tight to your buddy’s hand.

‘Cause this might be a genuine tale.

Ahem.

Once upon a time, whenever I was so newly gay I Did Not know I was freshly homosexual…

A mature lesbian on now-defunct queer bar called


Za’s


in Green Bay, Wisconsin

(I became completely merely here to boogie)


gave me some advice:

1)


Never start a shared checking account together with your enthusiast



2)


You shouldn’t fake orgasms



3)


Make certain a lady’s nails are clean.

The wise lesbian was a student in her belated 40’s, an age group up to now from my 19-years-old-with-a-fake-ID self that i possibly couldn’t also envision what it need to be like to be thus ancient.

Just how sad, I Was Thinking. Right here she is at a bar and she actually is outdated. I hope Really don’t end depressed like her.

Actually it enjoyable getting the middle of your very own world?

Exactly what only a little shit I became.

For reasons uknown, though, I was presented with from

Za’s


that night duplicating her three guidelines to my self.

Whenever I woke right up, I was thinking of them.

It was similar to into the Silver seat, when Polly and Eustace Scrubb tend to be billed by Aslan to consider The indicators.


Cannot act like you never re-read this the Narnia boxed-set at least once a year.

Anyhow! through the years, I always remembered the 3 existence instructions the lesbian had trained myself. The woman guidance produced good sense.

We never ever launched a combined bank account with anyone.

We never faked sexual climaxes again following the first few instances i did so it, recognizing I happened to be, actually, dooming me to a perpetual cycle of shitty sex by fulfilling bad performance with my whines of “ecstasy.”

And I usually privately checked a woman’s fingernails before I slept along with her.

Short? Check.

No abrasive sides? Inspect.

Thoroughly clean? It Is go time.

But precisely why, sluts?


What’s the fuss about fingernails?


What’s with all the short-nailed lesbian laughs? Just What?

I am talking about, alright, I have it. It really is more difficult to fuck with extended nails. You could possibly puncture a lung or something like that.

But it is not impossible. I’ve had extended fingernails before for burlesque shows; screwin’ with ‘em ain’t all of that hard — you merely make sure to make use of the shields of one’s hands.

So just why had been that lesbian so emphatic about clean fingernails?

All of you, she had been



SO. EMPHATIC.

I made a decision doing some debunking.

Definitely absolutely nothing could truly occur any time you had gotten shagged by somebody with dirty nails.

Following I remembered an account thus terrible I’d very nearly forgotten it.

Homos.

Terrible shit can occur.

This terror story concerns you thanks to my good-looking buddy ”


Cai



,” that viewed even more snatch in heat than a kitty center on totally free Spay Day.

Ok.

Cai


was in Miami when she met a tremendously hot femme we’re going to call


Katie.

Katie


smelled like glucose cookies cooking, dressed in a leopard-print swimsuit, had massive silver hoops that shimmered inside the light, plus possessed one of the best asses


Cai


had ever viewed.

She covertly texted myself an image of

Katie

within pool so she could boast, and I texted right back,


“I would strike that till my hand decrease down.”

Thus, yes,


Katie.

Cai


took


Katie


house that evening. There was indeed some severe consuming.

While getting undressed


Katie


in half-light,


Cai


saw something she hadn’t really seen prior to:



Katie had cool nails.

Actually,




Katie




had an extended, rhinestone-tipped French manicure. Juuuust like Rihanna.

Cai


cannot stop the psychological image of these fingernails clawing down the woman back while she fucked


Katie


, therefore animalistic gender commenced.

Cai


also try to let

Katie


shag the lady, despite the fact that she normally never lets anyone do this. What the hell, she thought. Heading house the next day. Never ever see this lady again. I could get topped for every night.

Why don’t we fast-forward a couple weeks, shall we?

Something was wrong with


Cai’s


“area.”

Severely, severely completely wrong. It itched. It burnt.

Some, um, greenish-yellowish material was oozing from it. And when I state some What i’m saying is too much. amounts. of. pus.

Cai


refused to visit the lady-doctor.

Because getting supportive is exactly what friendship is focused on, whenever she explained, I stated,


“So you finally had gotten the clap. Whorebag.”

Cai


laughed nervously. She went home, googled “the clap” and became convinced that she did, undoubtedly have actually gonorrhea. She went, the very first time ever before


(she was 28),


to the queer-friendly neighbor hood gyno hospital.

They don’t know what was actually wrong together.

They tried the lady for gonorrhea. They tested for syphilis, herpes, HPV, chlamydia, the really works. Nothing.

Cai


was at some pain. She required answers. She had been getting the


‘pus’


in


“pussy”


for almost a month today.

So that they gave the lady an ultrasound.

AND IS IT POSSIBLE YOU GUESS WHAT THEY DISCOVERED.

Genital rips. All around the within her vag.

A significant load of tears.

Cai


had been ripped to shreds. The woman insides were holding in ribbons. Appeared as if crepe paper birthday decorations within.

And every thing – every final inches – was infected.

It might appear whenever Katie used the woman fantastic lengthy fingernails to provide

Cai


an energetic drunk-fuck, nobody knew that her nails were in addition a festering reproduction ground for



bacterial vaginosis

.

Amazing.

Cai


states have-been a stone-cold leading since.

My closest friend wikipedia claims you may get nasty infections from filthy nails. Apparently, discover often staphylococcus bacteria hangin’ out, that could result in something from epidermis boils to motherfucking meningitis.

And do you know what more?

Pinworm eggs.

S’all I’m gonna state.

That smart lesbian was spot-on with her life instructions.

Never open up a mutual checking account with your lover.

Never phony sexual climaxes.

And holy mother of goodness, have a look at a fresh strategy’s nails before banging.

Or perhaps you are destined to experience the destiny of Cai.

THE CONCLUSION

I Must question, however…

Have any of y’all ever received everything horrible from another women’s fingers?

Or heard about a person that performed?

Or perhaps is this generally



(‘cept for Cai)



a lesbian metropolitan misconception?

My hands tend to be inching towards travel-sized Purell container.

I want solutions.